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Im NYLON-Talk: Was Musikerin Allie X über Glaube, Scham & Widersprüche zu sagen hat

Allie X hat uns im NYLON-Office besucht! Mit im Gepäck: ihr neues „melancholisches Goth-Pop”-Album „Cape God” inklusive dem Hit „Love Me Wrong“ feat. Troye Sivan. Wie unser Gänsehaut-Moment mit ihr aussah und welche tiefsinnigen Antworten sie im Interview gegeben hat, lest ihr hier.

Allie X‘ Sonnenbrille ist für sie eine Art Schutzschild. Das trägt sie auch, als sie unser Office in Hamburg betritt, begleitet von ihrem Gitarrist, der gleichzeitig ihr Boyfriend ist und einem Promoter von der Plattenfirma. Nach einem kurzen Hallo ziehen sich die Musiker zum Warmspielen für unsere Instagram „NYLON Jam Session“ zurück. Schon ein paar Minuten später erfüllt Allies Stimme den Empfangsbereich, ein Atrium mit ultra hohen Decken. „Die Akustik ist irre”, sagte sie. Genauso wie ihre Live-Performance von „Devil I Know”, die bei allen Redaktionsmitgliedern Gänsehaut hinterlässt. Nach anschließendem Q&A für die Instagram-Stories geht’s mit dem Online-Interview weiter – jetzt ganz in Ruhe, Face to Face. Mit jeder Minute wird Allie offener und schon bald ist von ihrem Schutzschild nicht mehr viel übrig. Stattdessen lässt sie uns tief in ihre Seele blicken.

Der Name deines neuen Albums „Cape God” ist eine Anspielung auf die Dokumentation „Heroin: Cape Cod USA”, einem HBO-Dokumentarfilm über Heroinsüchtige aus dem Jahr 2015. Warum?
Ich hatte die Dokumentation schon gesehen, bevor ich überhaupt mein letztes Album „Super Sunset” veröffentlicht habe. Sie ist mir einfach so im Kopf geblieben, dass ich daraus eine Art Schreibübung machen wollte. Ich habe mich also in einen der Charaktere hineinversetzt und einen Songtext aus dessen Sichtweise geschrieben. Das hat mich irgendwie mental in meine Highschool-Jahre zurückgebracht. Ich konnte also quasi meine eigenen Erfahrungen in eine andere Rolle verpacken. Es ist deshalb ein sehr persönliches Album geworden, aber gleichzeitig nicht real.

„Jeder hat seine eigene Wahrheit.”

Und warum hast du aus „Cod” ausgerechnet „God” gemacht? Bist du religiös?
Ich bin noch auf der Suche nach meinem Gott, nach meiner Spiritualität, nach meiner Wahrheit. Jeder hat seine eigene Wahrheit. Dafür steht ja auch das X in meinem Namen: das Unbekannte. 

Glaubst du denn zum Beispiel an Karma oder Schicksal?
Ja, irgendwie schon. Ich glaube, dass alles, was du in die Welt hinausbringst, auch wieder zu dir zurückkommt. Ich glaube bis zu einem gewissen Maße an das Gesetz der Anziehung (Anm. d. Red.: Gleiches zieht Gleiches an), daran, dass Menschen das bekommen, was sie verdient haben und ans Schicksal. Ich glaube aber an nichts 100%ig – außer an mich selbst. (lächelt)

„Ich bin ein totaler Attention-Seeker und gleichzeitig schüchtern.”

Halsey hat vor kurzem auf einem ihrer Konzerte Folgendes gesagt: „Als Musiker*in musst du arrogant genug sein, um zu denken es interessiert die Leute, was du zu sagen hast und unsicher genug, um dieses starke Bedürfnis nach dem Klatschen des Publikums zu haben.” Trifft das auch auf dich zu?
Total, das ist eine clevere Art Musiker*innen zusammenzufassen. Ich kann mich damit sehr identifizieren. Ich bin ein großer Attention-Seeker und sehr selbstbewusst. Aber gleichzeitig bin ich in vielen Situation lähmend unsicher und schüchtern. Ich brauche es, dass mir Leute sagen, dass ich gut bin.

Das ist also quasi ein Widerspruch in dir selbst. Welches Paradoxon fällt dir in der Welt sonst noch so auf?
Die ganze Musikindustrie ist eins. Das ist mir aber auch erst so richtig aufgefallen als ich nach Los Angeles gezogen bin. In Toronto ging’s echt nur darum Musik zu machen, eine bestimmte Szene an Leuten zu finden und Songs aufzunehmen. Ich habe einfach damit angefangen, weil es etwas in mir gab, dass ich irgendwie nach außen bringen musste. Das ist auch immer noch so, aber sobald du ein Rad in dieser Industrie bist, geht’s hauptsächlich ums Business: Wie machen wir dieses Produkt erfolgreich – und ich habe meine Musik vorher nie als Produkt gesehen. Das Paradoxe daran ist also, dass etwas so Pures und von Wahrheit kommendes zu etwas so Hässlichem und Leerem gemacht wird.

Ich habe tatsächlich einige Fragen für dieses Interview geträumt. Da frag ich mich: Träumst du manchmal Songlyrics?
Hab ich tatsächlich! Auf meiner letzten EP gibt es einen Song names „Sunset”, den ich in einem traumähnlichen Zustand geschrieben habe. Ich bin dann aufgewacht und habe sofort alles aufgeschrieben. Mir kamen auch schon viele Melodien in Träumen. Da hab ich mir echt im Traum gedacht: Wach auf und nimm’s auf! Das ist vor allem dann lustig, wenn mein Freund neben mir schläft, durch mich wach wird und fragt: Äääh, was machst du da? (lacht)  

„Warum verschwenden wir unsere Zeit für Streit darüber, dass Menschen Menschen sind?”

Du unterstützt Frauen- und LGBTQ-Rechte. Warum ist dir das persönlich so wichtig?
Wenn ich auf mein Leben zurückschaue weiß ich, ich wäre ohne meine schwulen Freunde nicht, wer ich heute bin. Ich hätte die Highschool niemals überstanden und wäre auch als Musikerin niemals so weit gekommen. Das ist einfach meine Familie. Homophobie und Transphobie hat mich schon immer verwirrt. Warum verschwenden wir unsere Zeit für Streit darüber, dass Menschen Menschen sind? Mit den Frauenrechten ist’s auch so: Mein Vater hat nie Unterschiede zwischen Frauen und Männern gemacht, deswegen habe ich nie darüber nachgedacht. Als ich anfing zu arbeiten, wurde ich plötzlich aufgrund meines Geschlechts anders behandelt. Ich unterstütze das alles nicht, weil es gerade trendy ist, sondern weil es ehrlich dumm ist, keine Gleichberechtigung zu haben. Es sollte selbstverständlich sein.

„Ich musste eine Meisterin darin werden, meinen Körper mit Mode zu verstecken.”

Das Thema unserer kommenden Ausgabe ist „Shameless”. Was ist etwas, wofür du dich früher geschämt hast, aber heute nicht mehr?
In der Highschool habe ich mich für 90% von allem geschämt. Mein Körper war mir früher extrem peinlich, weil ich so schmal war und überhaupt keine Kurven hatte. Ich sah sehr jung aus und einfach anders als die anderen. Ich musste also eine Meisterin darin werden, meinen Körper mit Mode zu verstecken. Silhouetten machen so viel aus. Ich lernte was meine Arme gut aussehen lässt und wie ich meinen flachen Busen bedecken kann. Der Fakt, dass ich da heute so locker drüber reden und lachen kann, ist für mich so ein Erfolg. Heute shoote ich ständig nackt – nicht für den Playboy oder so, sondern auf eine künstlerische Art und Weise. (lacht) Ich fühle mich jetzt auch zum Beispiel super wohl, wenn ich nackt im Spa mit anderen Frauen bin. Ich liebe das, es ist so befreiend! Man sieht dort Frauen in jedem Alter und allen Größen und ich denke nur so: Alle sind wunderschön.

Was machst du, wofür sich andere schämen?
Ich bin diese eine Freundin, die sich in der Öffentlichkeit aus Spaß blamiert. Ich hab auch teilweise einen echt vulgären Humor und ein lautes, ganz schlimmes Lachen. Besonders mein Hairstylist und ich sind zusammen ein echter Albtraum am Set. Wir übertreiben’s einfach immer!

„Ich bin wie ein Schwamm in der Mode – ich sauge alles auf.”

Du hast angedeutet, dass Mode für dich früher eine Art Versteck war, was bedeutet sie dir heute?
Es ist super erfrischend für mich nach all den Jahren in der Musikindustrie. Ich bin wie ein Schwamm in der Mode – ich sauge alles auf. Ich lerne immer mehr dazu: Designer, Materialien und abstrakte Designs.

Darf ich fragen, warum du gerade eine Sonnenbrille trägst?
Als ich mit diesem Allie X Projekt begonnen habe, war sie für mich eine Art Schutzschild, weil ich mich so angreifbar gefühlt habe. Ich fühle mich wohler, wenn man meine Augen nicht sehen kann. Es ist etwas Intimes, jemandem so direkt in die Augen schauen zu können – man kann darin viel lesen. Ich trag die aber eigentlich gar nicht mehr so viel wie früher, heute sehe ich einfach müde aus. (lacht)

Headerfoto: PR
Credits Artikelfotos via nylon.com:
Fotos: Savanna Ruedy
Styling: Lee Velvet
Make-Up: Yvonne Macinnis

Dieser Beitrag wurde ursprünglich am 17. März 2020 veröffentlicht.

Weitere spannende Interviews könnt ihr hier lesen:
Diego Tinoco aus Netflix „On My Block“ bewirbt sich im Interview als erster Latino-Superman
Tones & I im Interview: Wieso wir der Aktivismus-Künstlerin nicht nur musikalisch Gehör schenken
Alma: „Ich bin frustriert, weil’s so viele Menschen gibt, die der Klimawandel nicht interessiert“

Kristin Roloff
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