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Ja, auch ein Fuckboy kann ein Ex sein

Warum auch ohne Beziehung helfen kann, dem Fuckboy das „Exfreund“-Label aufzudrücken.

Text: Gabriela Herstik // Bild via NYLON.com

„Es ist dein Exfreund. Nenne ihn also einfach deinen Exfreund.“

Wenn es etwas gab, dass ich von meiner Schwester nie zu hören geglaubt hätte, dann waren es diese Worte. Nicht unbedingt, weil sie von ihr kamen, sondern weil sie meinen als das bezeichnete, was er tatsächlich war: ein Ex.

Ich fange mal direkt mit der Tatsache an, dass wir nie eine offizielle Beziehung führten. Er war sehr darauf bedacht, klarzustellen, dass wir auch nicht auf dem Weg dahin waren. Aber irgendwie waren wir das; wir verbrachten Nächte zusammen, frühstückten am nächsten Morgen zusammen, lagen auf Dachterrassen herum, hingen miteinander ab, texteten uns die ganze Zeit, ich lernte seine Freunde kennen…es war dieses typische Phänomen von Affären: ‘Eine Beziehung ohne Beziehung.‘ Aber dafür, dass es keine Beziehung war, fühlte sich der Herzschmerz genau danach an. Als meine Schwester mir riet, ich solle ihn meinen „Exfreund“ nennen, hörte ich auf sie. Und ich fühlte mich besser, freier. Etwas veränderte sich dadurch. Aber ich wurde auch unsicher. Bedeutet das Wort „Exfreund“ nicht mehr als das, was wir waren? Heißt es nicht, etwas ganz Besonderes füreinander zu sein? Ich hatte mir monatelang Mühe gegeben, Anderen mein kompliziertes Dating- Szenario zu erklären; durfte ich also stattdessen dieses einfache Wort benutzen, um der schwierigen Situation einen Namen zu geben?

Wenn die Bezeichnung „Ex“ wirklich unangemessen war, wieso half sie mir dann dabei abzuschließen? Könnte es sein dass der Titel Exfreund ihn auch aus meinem Leben „geext“ hatte?

Die Beziehungsexpertin Susan Winter aus New York bestätigt meine Vermutung, ihre Antwort lautet „ja“. „Auch wenn die Beziehung als solche nicht ‘offiziell‘ ausgelebt wurde, waren beide Beteiligten Teil einer romantischen Verbindung. Dieser Tatsache einen Wert beizumessen hilft dabei, das Erlebte verarbeiten zu können. Das ist der erste Schritt, um wieder die Kontrolle zu gewinnen“, erklärt Winter. „Verantwortung für eine emotionale und/oder körperliche Beziehung zu tragen, befreit uns davon, das Opfer dieser Lage zu sein.“

Indem ich ihn als meinen Exfreund bezeichnete, konnte ich unserer Beziehung einen Wert beimessen. Mir wurde klar, dass er eine sehr wichtige Rolle für mich gespielt hatte, ich konnte loslassen und weitermachen, anstatt unzählige Male darüber nachzudenken, was geschehen war oder verbittert zu sein und mir den Kopf darüber zu zerbrechen, was aus uns hätte werden können; ich konnte alles für mich ordnen und dann zur Ruhe kommen.

„Egal welche Gefühle du hattest, sie hatten eine Daseinsberechtigung. Nur weil deine Beziehung keinen Titel hatte (oder dein Partner ihr keinen geben wollte), heißt das nicht, dass deine Gefühle keine Berechtigung hatten“, erinnert Winter mich. „Das Heilen der Wunde beginnt mit Schlussfolgerungen. Für sich zu artikulieren, wieso die Beziehung zu Ende ging, gibt unserem Gedächtnis den Frieden den es braucht, um fortschreiten zu können. Ohne sich die Gründe für die Trennung zu vergegenwärtigen, bleiben wir in einer Spirale mentaler Abhängigkeit stecken.“

Jeder kennt diese geistige Spirale, von der Winter spricht. Als jemand, der seinen Lebensunterhalt mit dem Schreiben verdient, weiß ich, wie sehr einen solche gedanklichen Raster aufhalten – und wie gefährlich sie sein können. Ich verstehe, dass Worte Macht haben, durch sie können wir unsere Wirklichkeit beschreiben und kreieren. Trotzdem fühlte ich mich in dieser Situation, die mir sowohl Hoffnung als auch Dunkelheit brachte, eingefroren. Bevor ich anfing ihn als das zu bezeichnen, was er tatsächlich war, fühlte es sich nicht beendet an. Zu dem Schluss zu kommen, dass wir in gewisser Art und Weise eine Beziehung geführt hatten, auch wenn es keine feste war, half mir, weiterzumachen.

Als ich verschiedene Personen fragte, wann sie jemanden als ihren “Ex“ bezeichneten, erhielt ich zahlreiche Antworten, die jedoch alle gemeinsam hatten, dass dieser Ausdruck eine gewisse Bedeutung impliziert. „Ich denke, dass es oftmals vorkommt, dass Männer Frauen in die Irre führen, indem sie sich nicht einer Partnerschaft verpflichten, obwohl alle Eigenschaften einer Beziehung bereits vorhanden sind. Es ist anstrengend und demoralisierend, erklären zu müssen, dass die Person, mit der ‘man nie offiziell zusammen war‘ einem das Herz gebrochen hat, denn es lässt einen ‘verrückt‘ erscheinen, was genau die Folge dieses männlichen Verhaltens ist“, erklärt Sarah, eine der Befragten.

Wenn dir jemand wichtig ist und du ihm Zeit, Energie und Aufmerksamkeit schenkst, bist du auf die eine oder andere Art mit ihm zusammen. Freundschaften, Bekanntschaften und partnerschaftliche Beziehungen sind alles verschiedene Formen von Beziehungen. Und ja, Affären, Flirts und One-Night-Stands befinden sich auch irgendwo in dieser Schublade.

Wenn es sich um undefinierte Bindungen zwischen Mann und Frau handelt, wird der Frau zugeschrieben, dieser Beziehung sowohl einen Wert beizumessen, als sich auch von ihr zu distanzieren. Einerseits sollen wir in einer festen Beziehung zu jemandem streben, andererseits wird von uns erwartet, dass wir, wenn jemand eine für ihn nur sexuelle Bindung zu uns beendet, unsere Traurigkeit, unsere Wut und unser gebrochenes Herz unterdrücken. In dieser ambivalenten Situation kann uns die Bezeichnung „Exfreund“ dabei helfen, uns von der Person, die uns verletzt, zu distanzieren. Auch wenn die eigentliche Beziehung zueinander ursprünglich auf Sex basierte, kann dieser Ausdruck uns dabei helfen zu realisieren, dass diese Person in der Vergangenheit für uns wichtig war und es auch noch immer ist. „Menschen nehmen einen nicht ernst, wenn es sich nicht um den ‘Ex‘ handelt, egal wie stark die Gefühle waren“, erzählt mir Marilyn.

Indem ich für mich selbst beschloss, dass die Beziehung, die ich zu ihm hatte, für mich so wichtig war, dass sie aus ihm meinen Exfreund machte, fühlte ich mich frei. Außerdem gab es mir die Möglichkeit zu erkennen, dass mein Schmerz okay und angemessen war; auch wenn die Beziehung nie offiziell war.

Ich maß meiner Erfahrung eine Bedeutung bei und erkannte, dass ich es aufrichtig mit ihm versucht hatte und indem ich ihn als meinen Exfreund betrachtete, konnte ich mir selbst den Respekt zollen, den ich in dieser Beziehung vermisst und nach dem ich mich gesehnt hatte. Und alleine das ist schon ziemlich befreiend.

 

Robin Micha
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